- Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
- Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
- Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
- They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
- A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
- Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
- COLUMBUS' MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"
- MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER:
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
- NAPOLEON'S MOTHER:
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."
- ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: